Anxiety is a result of a biological and a psychological condition but also of education and social environment. When we grow up from our childhood to adults, we discover fear due to experiences that harmed us – physically, mentally, emotionally, or a combination of these. A proper education teaches us to cope with these fears and to put them in a balanced perspective. An improper or even abusive education will result in the amplification of fears to such an extend that they could run your entire life. Fear will then cause internal and constant pain.
Fear has always been there and is ubiquitous in all ages. Everybody has (had) some fear of something, whether it is of elevators, height, darkness, spiders, snakes, etc. These are only some examples of how much fear is present in our daily life and some forms of fear can be very subtle like sticking to the same type of food, visiting the same restaurants, meeting the same (type or class of) people, always reading the same type of books, etc. We constantly are conditioned by fear however this fear in most cases will not bring us out of balance. On the contrary, fear is one of our survival mechanisms to prevent us from being exposed to dangerous situations. Think about you crossing a busy street without having fear… you would be bound being crushed. But fear has its price. When uncontrolled it could grow into impressive proportions and could dominate your life, paralyze you and make your life and that of others unbearable. Fear then becomes an illness. It might even block your ability to correct yourself and to get out of this “cul-de-sac”. And, when not kept in balance, it might even be included in the education of the next generation.
PAIN IS NOT INVENTED OR DISCOVERED; IT IS PASSED-ON. (Unknown)
Some people even keep a simplified and almost naïve perception of life in order to avoid being confronted with the daily challenges, because they do not want to see life like a mature adult. They stay in a position of non-objectivity, like a child. They perceive life through the attitude of “wishful thinking” and pre-conceived ideas. This leads inevitably to mental inflexibility: what does not fit into their “boxes” cannot be good. It must be rejected and therefore separation and isolation will be the general “red line” of their live. They have fears to be exposed to “untruthful” or “unreliable” people because they “do not walk the talk”, according to them. So they keep distance in order to avoid disappointments and being hurt and thus they stay in their isolation.
Fears and uncertainties will lead these people in their search for a “rescuer” or a “provider” as partner instead of a real partner where the personalities of both are more in balance with each other. In a correctly balanced partnership the life attitude of both partners do not have to be equal, but they are well in balance. In the case of a relationship where one person is providing the most energy and the other one is mostly receiving, there an imbalance. This kind of relationship will not last.
“SOME PEOPLE ARE SO AFRAID OF LIFE THAT THEY DIE UNUSED.” (Unknown)
Fears will not resolve any problems, well-thought actions will. And what are well-thought actions? How are they defined? Where do they come from? How do you recognise them?
Some people tend to answer: “well-thought actions” are the ones that result in success. Ahaaaa… and what do you mean by success? Money? Recognition? Position? Hmm… they are gadgets, after all.
But if success means “satisfaction in life”, and when you are satisfied with any outcome of your project – even the so-called “failure” where you can learn from – then your action will be well-thought because you will come out richer anyhow, compared to the one who did not dare to move. Being cautious in your endeavour does not diminish the importance of your initiative. You should not run if you still are learning to walk, like you should not jump from a plane without knowing the quality of your parachute. Being brave has its limits. But be open to accept some challenges in life.
“HAVING FEARS COMING FROM YESTERDAY AND UNCERTAINTIES ABOUT TOMORROW,
WILL PUT A SHADE ON TODAY.” (Spirit of Fuerteventura)
We are here on earth to mainly do two things: enjoy and learn. And all moments in our live – whether good ones or bad ones – invite us to these two things. Good times are there to enjoy and share these with anybody, but mainly with your beloved ones and friends; “bad” times are a challenge to your personality and your experience, but they are as enriching as the good times. Only it is harder to see it and to accept, because we all are easily spoiled by prosperity, like kids.
The attitude of embracing both times – good and bad – and to look at them as a way to personal growth, will severely reduce, if not eliminate, fears from the past, and the uncertainty about the future. Opening up to new challenges and opinions and being prepared to share them with others is one of the most important cornerstones of mankind.
Michel Robeers